"Do you want to go home? We can go home right now if you want to."

Growing up, I didn't have a lot of friends so I relied a lot on my Dad and sports. We'd go in my backyard and shoot at my full size metal hockey net (My favorite christmas present) for hours. I logged more hours peppering the twine on that net than I ever did practicing any other sport and the funny thing is, I never played an organized hockey game until I was twenty years old.

But this story isn't about that. When I was 11-ish(?) I had been in a big pin bowling league in my town and I loved every second of it. My Mom used to bring me every single Sunday and at 10am I'd put on my shoes while my wonderful mother got me a hot dog and a drink, every single week. Couldn't beat the good ole breakfast dog.

My mom ended up switching jobs halfway through the season and had to start working on Sunday's. Fortunately for me, my Dad stepped up to the plate and started taking me and thank god he did because he would end up dropping a line on me (unintentionally) that stuck with me for the rest of my life.

I was a good bowler, (Nice humble brag) I had trophies and I'd touch scores like 150 occasionally and I wasn't even a teenager yet. I just always had a relatively easy time with muscle memory, arm swing, and follow through.

But one day, I just didn't have it mentally, I wasn't there and my Dad could see it in my eyes and in my body language. He let me struggle through the first of three games, probably thinking I'd snap out of it and I'd find my roll (Hey-o), but I never did. So midway through the second game, I'm struggling with a 40 through 6 frames, averaging about 6-7 pins per frame which is just not good enough. I wasn't having fun, I was wasting my time as well as my Dad's time without even realizing it. Let me clarify though, that's not why he said this next line. He didn't say it for him, he didn't say it selfishly, he would have honestly sat there all day watching me, but the most important thing was..he still said it.

I mope over to my Dad, extremely disheartened by my performance and the fact that I couldn't crack the code on what my problem was. Despite my Dad trying to help me and give me tips for the last hour and a half, nothing clicked. He took one look at me and without missing a beat uttered so very calmly "Do you want to go home? We can go home right now if you want to." Feeling upset and almost disrespected I looked at my Dad and with my newly acquired angst, I sarcastically went "NO, I don't want to go home." and walked away and grabbed my ball and probably nailed a 3 on my next roll.

But that line by my father rolled (Nailed it. Next) around in my head for the rest of that day. I ended up getting a career high the next game with a 168 and as I finished my final frame of the day, I looked at my Dad all excited and he just had this stupid, dumb, "I knew what I was doing the entire time" smirk on his face. That's really what it was all along though, he knew I didn't want to go home. He knew I wanted to be there competing more than anyone else and all he was trying to do was rile me up...and boy did he ever.

The best part about that line is that I now use it on myself. I'll be struggling in softball, work, anything to do with life and I'll pause and think to myself "Do you want to go home? We can go home right now."

It's funny how something so simple, a line solely used to rile up an eleven year old bowler, has still stuck with me thirteen years later. The even FUNNIER part of this entire story is I loveeeee to bring this up to Johnny Doctor every now and then and he still, to this day, tells me that he never remembers saying that to me. The line I consistently use to rile my own self up with has no recollection by its owner.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't questioned myself over the last few months about if I wanted to move back home. You could probably expect that from someone who moved away from home for the first time. I came really close a few times to packing it all up, but whenever it got bad, I'd sit myself down and ask myself the question. I'm sure my Dad would love it if I obeyed and just went home, but I'm sorry, Dad. I don't want to go home right now.

See you soon.

-Benny